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Replying To Friends, not Friends, or acquaintances? - 7th Century Generation

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Replying to Friends, not Friends, or acquaintances?


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Topic Summary

neelu

Posted 01 April 2012 - 10:03 PM

Now that things are clearer and it has emerged that the guy said something degrading about your parents, it makes complete sense that you'd want to avoid him and keep your distance. Don't feel guilty about it, you're doing the right thing. I agree with you that just say salaam in passing and keep a safe distance and if he asks why you are distant then you can tell him but if he doesn't ask, then I think it's highly likely that he would've figured out why you've kept your distance (ie I think he'll figure it out unless he's really thick or naive).

UmmMaryam

Posted 02 March 2012 - 07:51 AM

There is a specific hadith which forbids a muslim from cursing the parents of another, its as if he cursed/ insulted his own parents. Not for myself but if someone insulted my parents I would not accept being friends with them until they properly apologised. This is because the state of your parents in relation to you is one given at the highest rank amongst people, by Allah swt. Thats at the first instance of having someone verbally attack your parents. But it seems that you are interacting and being friendly after some time has passed,therefore there is no use holding grudge, but distance yourself from such a friend. This is because the recommendation is that you make friends with those whom you would want to find yourself with in the hereafter, i.e those who are more pious, rightous than you, so that you can learn from them. I am not making a statement that this person is less of a muslim than you, but surely if your parents are not safe from his tongue, its really not someone yo...

CorruptLeader

Posted 20 February 2012 - 08:42 PM

Sometimes "grudges" are just internalized wounds that haven't healed.

I think you need to heal. I understand that you're not trying to accuse your brother, but you are definitely still hurting from his actions. He may feel more deeply sorry than you think. (Personally, I suck at expressing emotions lol.) Perhaps, you should to talk to him about your pain that way since he is the cause of your pain, he can help you heal. You seem to be convinced his actions are still not actions of the past. Talk to him and give him a chance to help put them in the past for you. Communication is key to helping him understand how much this hurt you. (Some people just won't know how you're feeling if you don't share.) If he is a genuine friend, then he will be concerned about the pain you feel. He will be eager to correct it. Even if he cannot perfect his behavior or show that he's controlling his anger... Give him an opportunity to build his trust and re grow that mutual love/res...

ghazala

Posted 14 February 2012 - 09:24 AM

View PostHelpABrother, on 09 February 2012 - 06:18 AM, said:

@Ghazala

That is an interesting insight that you gave. "No believer is struck by the same hole twice!" I understood and comprehended the story until the very end.
Can you put this into perspective and relate to my situation? I guess I am still not clear on this story.

I definetely do not form grudges which is why I told him no worries when he said to put this behind us. You have good intentions and seems you are helping, thanks.


HelpABrother

Posted 12 February 2012 - 11:47 PM

View Postsarahpatchkids, on 12 February 2012 - 11:32 PM, said:

If this is the first time you ever experienced such an act from him, then I would not have such feelings (like the ones you are having) towards him. This is because Shaytaan causes misunderstandings between people, and it could very well been a real honest mistake. He might have genuinely thought you agreed to such a deal, when you didn't (or never indicated that), and waswas (whispering from Shaytaan) could have been a major contributor to this whole problem...



You actually make a very good point sister. I cannot argue with that and I actually did not think of it myself. Granted he did swear at me using the F word, c...

sarahpatchkids

Posted 12 February 2012 - 11:32 PM

If this is the first time you ever experienced such an act from him, then I would not have such feelings (like the ones you are having) towards him. This is because Shaytaan causes misunderstandings between people, and it could very well been a real honest mistake. He might have genuinely thought you agreed to such a deal, when you didn't (or never indicated that), and waswas (whispering from Shaytaan) could have been a major contributor to this whole problem...

JustanObserver

Posted 10 February 2012 - 05:55 PM

Why not just be honest and tell him the truth about how you feel about your relationship?

It seems like despite it all, you're covering your true feelings for the sake of looking like the better person, but if you really feel you cannot ever be on the same plane as this person again, just say so in a kinder fashion. Don't cross the limits of justice towards another Muslim, but make your feelings and stance clear and explain how even if you forgive, you cannot put these things behind you as hard as you try.

This is the truth, because if you had put it behind you, then it wouldn't bother you. And you don't need to ask for an apology, but I see nothing wrong in enabling a person to see their mistakes without making them feel like it's all okay. That's just silly and enables them to continue as they were without remorse, and for you to feel unnecessarily antagonized and conflicted because they don't see it.

So my advice is to just be honest, wit...

HelpABrother

Posted 09 February 2012 - 06:18 AM

@Ghazala

That is an interesting insight that you gave. "No believer is struck by the same hole twice!" I understood and comprehended the story until the very end.
Can you put this into perspective and relate to my situation? I guess I am still not clear on this story.

I definetely do not form grudges which is why I told him no worries when he said to put this behind us. You have good intentions and seems you are helping, thanks.

ghazala

Posted 07 February 2012 - 10:49 PM

Posted Image

inshaAllah this will help you brother ...

and Allahu Alim

do not catch grudges against him coz he is ur muslim bro :)

and just keep a minimal contact with him ....

that is what all i can suggest

and what ever good i have told is from Allah and whatever bad i have told is from my side ...

may Allah forgive me if i have said something wrong inshaAllah ...

HelpABrother

Posted 06 February 2012 - 05:34 PM

View PostBubbly, on 05 February 2012 - 06:37 AM, said:

Isnt it ok in Islam if you dont want to be friends with someone but you just have to say salam to them and not stop speaking to them completely? Thats the islamic understanding I know. Dont stop talking to your brother for more than 3 days.


From what I know, we must say Salaam at the least to a person we may not be fond of. Even if you desire not to be friends with that person, we must try to keep things clear and not have grudges against them (which is exactly what I am doing in my situation and which is why I told him no worries at the least). So basically you are correct when you posed this question.

About the 3 days...

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