Replying to Friends, not Friends, or acquaintances?

Now that things are clearer and it has emerged that the guy said something degrading about your parents, it makes complete sense that you'd want to avoid him and keep your distance. Don't feel guilty about it, you're doing the right thing. I agree with you that just say salaam in passing and keep a safe distance and if he asks why you are distant then you can tell him but if he doesn't ask, then I think it's highly likely that he would've figured out why you've kept your distance (ie I think he'll figure it out unless he's really thick or naive).

There is a specific hadith which forbids a muslim from cursing the parents of another, its as if he cursed/ insulted his own parents. Not for myself but if someone insulted my parents I would not accept being friends with them until they properly apologised. This is because the state of your parents in relation to you is one given at the highest rank amongst people, by Allah swt. Thats at the first instance of having someone verbally attack your parents. But it seems that you are interacting and being friendly after some time has passed,therefore there is no use holding grudge, but distance yourself from such a friend. This is because the recommendation is that you make friends with those whom you would want to find yourself with in the hereafter, i.e those who are more pious, rightous than you, so that you can learn from them. I am not making a statement that this person is less of a muslim than you, but surely if your parents are not safe from his tongue, its really not someone yo...

Sometimes "grudges" are just internalized wounds that haven't healed.

I think you need to heal. I understand that you're not trying to accuse your brother, but you are definitely still hurting from his actions. He may feel more deeply sorry than you think. (Personally, I suck at expressing emotions lol.) Perhaps, you should to talk to him about your pain that way since he is the cause of your pain, he can help you heal. You seem to be convinced his actions are still not actions of the past. Talk to him and give him a chance to help put them in the past for you. Communication is key to helping him understand how much this hurt you. (Some people just won't know how you're feeling if you don't share.) If he is a genuine friend, then he will be concerned about the pain you feel. He will be eager to correct it. Even if he cannot perfect his behavior or show that he's controlling his anger... Give him an opportunity to build his trust and re grow that mutual love/res...

HelpABrother, on 09 February 2012 - 06:18 AM, said: