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Assalamualaikum
my sister is married for 12 yrs now Alhamdulillah...bt the problem is her husband, if he is good he'll be very nice..but the moment anything happens against his wish he starts abusing my sister and then starts beating my sister...She has 3 kids and knows that he wont leave the kids with her if she decides to leave him..so she has to stay & undergo the torture...IS there any dua by which he behaviour of my brother in law..
Ur sister in Islam
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PLS HELP
Started by Guest_Guest_*, Nov 14 2011 03:40 PM
10 replies to this topic
#3 Guest_Guest_*
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Posted 15 November 2011 - 05:50 PM
TorqueWar Seeker, on 15 November 2011 - 04:41 AM, said:
Wa alaikum salam,
Please send me a private message if you can.
Please send me a private message if you can.
Sorry i cnt snd u a private msg:(
Also d end of d msg wasnt clear.. i actly wntd 2 ask for any remedy frm Sunnah or Quran 2 help my sister...or which cud alter d behaviour of my brother in law
#5
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Rock
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Posted 30 November 2011 - 08:58 AM
Walaikumassalaam wrwb,
A few points for your sister
-Think about the tragedy of divorce and what would happen to the family in this case. A wise woman may put up with something bad in order to avoid something even worse, because some evils are less than others.
-If he becomes angry and hits you hard, wait until he calms down, then provoke his pity by saying words such as "Is this how you treat the mother of your children and the one who is closest to you?" and showing him the mark left by his blow, so that he can see with his own eyes what his hand has done. :'(
-Also, remind him that oppression is haraam, and that Allah is able to deal with him. Then disappear and leave him to think things over. In most cases, if the husband has any shred of decency and real character, and religious sensitivity, he will apologize.
-Some marital problems can only be resolved with the passage of time, as the number of children increases and they grow up, and the husband grows to love them even more. This makes the wife more precious to him too, as he sees her as the one who is bringing up and protecting his children. As he also increases in maturity and in his understanding of the realities of life, he will realize the evil of what he has done and his behaviour will improve, so he will stop doing some of the things he used to do. Hoping for improvement is a good thing: people live on hope.
-Supplication (du‘aa’) is the refuge of the believer. How many times, I wonder, have you prayed to Allah to reform your husband? Persist in du‘aa’ and seek ways of making Allah respond.
Taken from:http://islamqa.com/en/ref/482
May Allah grant us all spouses and off springs who wud be the comfort of our eyes and the grace to lead the righteous.Ameen.
A few points for your sister
-Think about the tragedy of divorce and what would happen to the family in this case. A wise woman may put up with something bad in order to avoid something even worse, because some evils are less than others.
-If he becomes angry and hits you hard, wait until he calms down, then provoke his pity by saying words such as "Is this how you treat the mother of your children and the one who is closest to you?" and showing him the mark left by his blow, so that he can see with his own eyes what his hand has done. :'(
-Also, remind him that oppression is haraam, and that Allah is able to deal with him. Then disappear and leave him to think things over. In most cases, if the husband has any shred of decency and real character, and religious sensitivity, he will apologize.
-Some marital problems can only be resolved with the passage of time, as the number of children increases and they grow up, and the husband grows to love them even more. This makes the wife more precious to him too, as he sees her as the one who is bringing up and protecting his children. As he also increases in maturity and in his understanding of the realities of life, he will realize the evil of what he has done and his behaviour will improve, so he will stop doing some of the things he used to do. Hoping for improvement is a good thing: people live on hope.
-Supplication (du‘aa’) is the refuge of the believer. How many times, I wonder, have you prayed to Allah to reform your husband? Persist in du‘aa’ and seek ways of making Allah respond.
Taken from:http://islamqa.com/en/ref/482
May Allah grant us all spouses and off springs who wud be the comfort of our eyes and the grace to lead the righteous.Ameen.
Edited by ZanjabiLinMYsaLsaBil, 30 November 2011 - 09:15 AM.
#6
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Rock
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Posted 02 December 2011 - 04:39 AM
Guest, on 15 November 2011 - 05:50 PM, said:
TorqueWar Seeker, on 15 November 2011 - 04:41 AM, said:
Wa alaikum salam,
Please send me a private message if you can.
Please send me a private message if you can.
Sorry i cnt snd u a private msg:(
Also d end of d msg wasnt clear.. i actly wntd 2 ask for any remedy frm Sunnah or Quran 2 help my sister...or which cud alter d behaviour of my brother in law
There is healing in the Qur'an. I have heard that some ayath can be used to change attitude towards the positive, to resolve anger issues, etc (by Allah's permission).
Please ask an experienced scholar. Insha Allah, they will be able to show you the ayath.
#7
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Rock
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Posted 05 December 2011 - 03:38 PM
before i encountered the islamqa thing i was going to write something really or ,maybe, not too much, bad... i cant help but say it cos there are some things that i cant understand as well..
Why is it that abusive husbands can get away with whatever(whats the ruling of a husband who beats the wife) and the wife shud be patient and bear all the traumas?I was going say smthn like- leave such wretched men behind and then see who gives them their pleasure afterwards. He beats her and then yet later when he wants to satisfy himself he behaves, just so to take advantage of her.
“None of you must beat his wife as a slave is beaten and then have intercourse with her at the end of the day” (AHMAD similar from BUKHAARI)
Is there any gud left in a man when he beats up his wife like that and can anyone ever love their husband again if they do that?Its a real test of patience for the wife if she wishes to cont.
Umm Kulthoom bint U’qbah reported that Nabi (saw) said “Indeed I hate the angry man standing up over his wife while his jugular veins swollen beating her up” (DAYLAMI)
...and so do i
ahadith taken from: http://khilaafah.com...khilafah_5.html
Why is it that abusive husbands can get away with whatever(whats the ruling of a husband who beats the wife) and the wife shud be patient and bear all the traumas?I was going say smthn like- leave such wretched men behind and then see who gives them their pleasure afterwards. He beats her and then yet later when he wants to satisfy himself he behaves, just so to take advantage of her.
“None of you must beat his wife as a slave is beaten and then have intercourse with her at the end of the day” (AHMAD similar from BUKHAARI)
Is there any gud left in a man when he beats up his wife like that and can anyone ever love their husband again if they do that?Its a real test of patience for the wife if she wishes to cont.
Umm Kulthoom bint U’qbah reported that Nabi (saw) said “Indeed I hate the angry man standing up over his wife while his jugular veins swollen beating her up” (DAYLAMI)
...and so do i
ahadith taken from: http://khilaafah.com...khilafah_5.html
Edited by ZanjabiLinMYsaLsaBil, 05 December 2011 - 03:47 PM.
#8
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Rock
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Posted 16 December 2011 - 02:07 PM
there's a place for men like that - it's called jail. there is no excuse for his behaviour. no woman should be obliged to submit to such treatment, & if i have read your prophet correctly it is not countenanced in islam. if she's not willing to report him to the police, assuming she lives in a country that respects women, perhaps she could talk to an imam?
#9
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Stone
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Posted 20 December 2011 - 07:57 AM
Well try to recite surah kosar when your husband is asleep 41 times in such a low voice that he will not be awakes by the recite and he can easily listen to it too. and recite YA hayu Ya Qayoom 313 times after Isha prayer. It will help you.
#10 Guest_Diesel_*
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Posted 30 December 2011 - 09:03 PM
Assalaamu Alaikum,
The prophet Muhammad pbuh said "The strong man is not the one who can fight or wrestle. The strong man is he who can control himself at the time of anger".
Its good that the sister is seeking Allah's guidance; but at the same time she shouldnt be silent from the abuse; no one deserves that sort of treatment; especially when the sister is doing the best she can to please her husband.
He mustn't use the children as a way for her to keep silent from the abuse and emotionally blackmail her not to leave him. Best thing to do is to consult an alim within the locality and talk it through. If that isnt applicable talk it through with the inlaws and possibly parents too.
Love, affection is important in a relationship; through abuse this feeling just fades away and we often feel less confident, lose self esteem and sometimes sadly...useless too. As Muslims we (the brothers) should love our women the way Muhammad pbuh loved khadijah (ra); He's set an example in which we should strive or abide to.
Try and talk it through with the brother and see if he could repent to Allah and apologise to you (the sister) and possibly change his ways around towards a better character. Try and get him to realise when his calm to contemplate his mistakes and rectify them; inshaAllah may Allah watch you and and give you shi'fa and hidayah sister, ameen.
Hope its helped,
Wa Allahu A'lim
Diesel
The prophet Muhammad pbuh said "The strong man is not the one who can fight or wrestle. The strong man is he who can control himself at the time of anger".
Its good that the sister is seeking Allah's guidance; but at the same time she shouldnt be silent from the abuse; no one deserves that sort of treatment; especially when the sister is doing the best she can to please her husband.
He mustn't use the children as a way for her to keep silent from the abuse and emotionally blackmail her not to leave him. Best thing to do is to consult an alim within the locality and talk it through. If that isnt applicable talk it through with the inlaws and possibly parents too.
Love, affection is important in a relationship; through abuse this feeling just fades away and we often feel less confident, lose self esteem and sometimes sadly...useless too. As Muslims we (the brothers) should love our women the way Muhammad pbuh loved khadijah (ra); He's set an example in which we should strive or abide to.
Try and talk it through with the brother and see if he could repent to Allah and apologise to you (the sister) and possibly change his ways around towards a better character. Try and get him to realise when his calm to contemplate his mistakes and rectify them; inshaAllah may Allah watch you and and give you shi'fa and hidayah sister, ameen.
Hope its helped,
Wa Allahu A'lim
Diesel
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