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i don't love, trust, accept myself


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#1 Guest_don'tknow_*

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Posted 10 February 2012 - 09:53 PM

Assalamu alaykum. I have had a problem ever since I was a teenager. I don't love myself. I don't accept myself. I feel disappointed in myself easily and I judge myself harshly. Alhamdulillah I am humble, but maybe too humble. Whenever I DO achieve something, or I DO do something, I don't feel worth my achievements. My achievements came from Allah (swt), he somehow miraculously gave me. But I feel as if I haven't done anything to deserve it. I am a perfectionist, so maybe thats why its so difficult to meet my standard. I never do enough, and always feel i couldve done more. This led me to not do so many things and become lazy. I feel I am very immature and incompetent. As if I can't do anything. The only reason I am alive is because Allah (swt) is taking care of me through my family. Or he has sent others to help me. I am never satisfied with myself.

I think I also get influenced by people easily sometimes. Others don't think so, but inwardly, I think I do. It means a lot to me what my parents think of me, and what others think. I recently got a job, and my parents are happy. But my father said I could've done something else, then I could've gotten paid more. Now I wish I had done it. I am easily pulled at what they want me to do.

I am always in need of affirmation, not just my parents, but also others. And Allah (swt)'s as well. While Alhamdulillah, I am glad I want Allah (swt)'s affirmation as that is the only thing that matters, but wanting affirmation of others is not good as it pulls me in too many different direction. I feel as if I don't know who I am, so I try to see myself in others. I feel as if I have no strength of my own, so I seek strength from others, and ofcourse Allah (swt). How can I love myself and become more confident?

I dont believe in myself, i don't trust my judgement, I dont have much confidence. What do I do?

#2 Mu'mina

    la ilaha illa Allah <3

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Posted 11 February 2012 - 05:44 AM

*bump*

#3 Guest_guest_*

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Posted 19 February 2012 - 04:59 AM

Try not to be invovled in matters of duniya, by that I mean like dont really obsess over things, what happens happens with the will of Allah. Focus on the hereafter and all your stresses will disappear.
Talk to your parents or whoever is giving you suggestions, tell your father that 'because you said this, this is how I feel now'. It may help to speak out loud to people to reaffirm what is going on and so that people realise what an affect they are having on your life.

#4 CorruptLeader

    Formerly "Transition?"

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Posted 20 February 2012 - 08:27 PM

You might be my twin. lol :)

Ukth, you are trying to please too many people. Your happiness depends on EVERYONE'S acceptance. So your happiness sways with people's opinions. Your definition of perfection is defined by others. Because you are a perfectionist, you will not strive for just one path to perfection but everyone's models to perfection. You seem to realize that everyone has different definitions, if not completely contradicting ones often. So you'll find yourself in a tangled mess going in every direction in full speed having an aneurysm following everyone's opinions. There's no perfection when it comes to dunya matters. Everything that happens in dunya lasts for a few moments. Dunya is a tool for serving Allah (swt). If person tells you advice that isn't going to help you toward the Akhirah, why take it? Being richer, more beautiful, getting more trophies, degrees, certificates.... are pretty useless unless you use them to do go good/forbid evil.

Please Allah (swt) first. :] I agree with the author above, most dunya matters are irrelevant unless we utilize them for good. What will having more money get you? Your father's approval? What about Allah (swt)'s approval? He doesn't not care if you are super rich or super poor. The grave doesn't distinguish between rich or poor. What matters is how you show your gratitude and how you use the $$ to do good.

There's nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, but perfect yourself in religion. Because perfection in worldlier matters is not possible, you will never gain everyone's approval, become rich enough, eat enough, have enough..etc. Because the son of Adam has a soul that is only satisfied by the Remembrance and worship of Allah (swt).

The older you get, you just realize there is no pleasing everyone! :)

If you need to make a decision, realize your purpose, which is first and foremost service to Allah (swt). Either someone's advice helps you seek Allah's pleasure or it doesn't. Or both decision seem to be good for you (then maybe pray istikarah, to ask Allah (swt) to see which one is best for you and your akhirah)

Parents are opportunistic because they want to see you comfortable in this dunya. It's only natural that they will present you with new opportunities. But your happiness is most important to them. If you express that you're grateful and pleased with your current job. That it doesn't interfere with balancing religion and worldlier matters. You get ample to survive...etc. They will be happy that you're happy :).

#5 Guest_Aaliy_*

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 03:03 PM

reminds me of a sahaba in a way...look at the lyf story of hadhrat abu-dhar ghaffari (ra)...
look at what ALLAH THE ALMIGHTY BLESSED YOU WITH....my story is kind of the same exept I always failed in school or just about scraped to the next grade/year....everyday repeat a positive sentence/phrase about yourself because if you repeat something over and over (to yourself) than soon enough you'll start beviving it...for example if someone says to you that you are ugly everyday without fail you'll end up believing it, it'll take effect slowly and soon you'll end up hate-ing your self (this can happen both ways positva & negative)

#6 Guest_Yasmeen_*

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Posted 24 May 2012 - 03:43 PM

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agreeing Posted Image with the sisters above,you should put Allah Posted Image first...you rather please the creator and displease the creation than displease the creator and please the creation. when you plaese the creator or strive to plase the cearot the craetion should automaticaly be pleased.
if you run after the duniya it'll run away from you however if you run away from the duniya (and to your lord) then the duniya will run after you.
you should stop caring of what ppl think and follow your heart and always answer the question would Nabi Posted Image do this...you should thak advice or mashwera about islamic/deeni things not so much about worldly/dunyawi things....the creation will never be pleades where as the CREATOR will always be.
on the day of recogning AllahPosted Image will not look at your status in this world rather HePosted Image will look at how you tried and strived to please Him Posted Image

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plz forgiveme if i offendid you in any way and 4give my shortcommings




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