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This one is for the sisters (and brothers if you feel like you can help).
This girl I know who I used to be friends with, has completely turned on me. We have known eachother for 2 years. We used to work together in the Muslim student association, participate in study groups, play sports, and hang out together as a group of people every now and then. We always used to help each other, give advice, had lunch a few times, and chat once in a while on the internet. However, its not like we saw eachother or talked to one another on a daily basis. I have even heard from other people that she used to have a crush on me (maybe she still does)? Then again, it could be a rumorOur families actually live in the same neighborhood and are friends with one another.
One day I bumped into this girl and her mother back in July at the grocery store. I walked up to them and said hello. When the girl saw me, she said hello to me very unenthusiastically, dropped her shoulders, rolled her eyes, and walked right out of the grocery store. I texted her to see if she was okay, but no response. I became afraid and did not contact her again until 2 months later (September).
In September, I saw her twice. I bumbed into her family at a store again. I said hello to her and she saw me and gave me a quick hello and jumped into her car. 2 weeks later on Eid, I saw her on Eid with her family. I said hello to them as they said hello right back. When the girl saw me, she rolled her eyes, turned half way around, and said hello in a very stern voice.
I sent her an email back in September telling her what I was up to and to seek if she was doing okay. She did not respond. I texted her 2 times after that within a 2 week span, but still no response. I even texted her saying Eid Mubarak back in September. From that point on I laid off again, but November came around and I texted her Eid Mubarak again, but still no reponse. I did that because her brother texted me saying Eid Mubarak, so I texted both of them right back.
I talked to my other friends about this of her. They said that she would contact them, and text them saying hello or Eid Mubarak. These friends are also her friends. However she might be having personal issues because these friends have said that her tone and attitude have become nasty, unexpectedly. She even quit her Facebook. Nonetheless she acknowledged them at times to say hello or whats up, except me.
I just don’t understand why anyone would do that. If I did something to her, my guess is that she would have let me know. It has been six months since all this has happened, and I have laid off for the most part because I figure she may need her space and time for things to clear up.
Based on all this, the not responding to me and the nasty hellos, I know for a fact she is avoiding me, but why would she do that? What should I do from here on out? Should I contact her again? Should I tell what she did to me in an email and see if everything is alright? Or simply should I just lay off more or perhaps just not bother anymore? I am afraid because I don’t want to get in trouble by Allah if I have done something to her, and if I did anything to her, I want to apologize and be better.
WHAT SHOULD I DO?
DISCLAIMER: I know it is wrong to mingle with the opposite sex, but I learn this the hardway. I know some people might put this out here, but I would still appreciate some constructive feedback. At the same time, I dont want to be on anyone's hate list, so I have to figure out what to do if that is the case.
Need help, attention to sisters
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MultiQuote#2 Guest_Guest_*
- Group: Guests
Posted 28 December 2009 - 03:23 AM
Perhaps, she is misinformed? It seems like a misunderstanding to me. Often what happens, people hear from bad sources that so and so person did something or said something and then they are angered. They do not verify what they heard.
Try to speak to her and make her talk about why she is behaving in such a manner towards you.
Try to speak to her and make her talk about why she is behaving in such a manner towards you.
#4
- Formerly "Transition?"
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Posted 28 December 2009 - 03:59 AM
akhi,=)
ADVICE TO THE BROTHER/THREAD STARTER:
I don't mean to be too assuming. I have seen this behavior a lot from many young people.
If she appears to be having personal problems, then I think it would be best to excuse her? Seems like she's going through some tough times with her environment/ the people around her/family etc.
Perhaps you are part of that environment?
You two did mingle, and maybe she developed feelings....O_O....sometimes, when we don't take measure to repel love, we develop feelings. She feels guilty for those feelings because she still fears Allah (swt) now she is trying to remove them for Allah's sake. It is a very common strategy to vilify and hate the person you love because of the feelings you developed for him. It is extreme, but attraction/love/lust is ...well..extreme. That way she forces herself to distance herself from him and he automatically hates you back for it.
Now she could be trying to reach back to her religion (do see any indications of that to confirm this possible explanation?).... Is it really bad that you two are now avoiding each other? She could just be trying to avoid fitna. Stern hello.
Or maybe someone did misinform her about you, but I suggest you wait until you get over your feelings for her. She has time to get over whatever grudge (rational or irrational against you).
BE PATIENT. DON'T BE ALONE WITH THE SISTER. GIVE HER SPACE AND TIME. GIVE YOURSELF SPACE AND TIME. AND INSHAALLAH, SHE'LL HAVE TIME TO GET OVER IT. NATURALLY, A SISTER-BROTHER "RELATIONSHIP" WITHIN THE CONTEXT ISLAM. AKA, not MUCH OF A RELATIONSHIP lol.
The thing is her behavior, distancing herself from you is NOT WRONG. It's good for her and her faith. It may be upsetting to you because she has to hate you for a while to get over you, but she'll let go of her feelings.
Let her distance herself from you. [That's the way it should be] If you really care about her, then don't stop her from protecting her faith and herself from Hellfire. It may be difficult for you because you seem to have feelings but yeah, VERILY LIFE IS A STRUGGLE. We were meant to worship not follow our desires and whims. It will be a struggle for you.
WHEN THIS SITUATION RESOLVES, INSHAALLAH, YOU FEEL EASE. AND REMEMBER THIS AS A LESSON TO BE WARY WHEN IN THE PRESENCE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
FEAR ALLAH (SWT)!!!! LOVE HIM!!!! SHEILD YOUR HEART, AKHI, IT WILL LEAD YOU ASTRAY UNLESS THERE IS MARRIAGE TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PERMISSIBLE (which is unlikely SO NO more mingling!) REMOVE YOUR FEELINGS. AND ASK FOR GUIDANCE.
[b]
IN CONCLUSION,
GIVE HER SPACE. AND DON'T CONTACT HER ANYTIME SOON AT ALL.
WE FEAR FOR YOUR FAITH. ISLAM IS REALITY, DON'T STRAY FROM YOUR LORD AND DON'T ENJOIN AND WHAT HE HAS FORBIDDEN.
HOLD TIGHT ONTO THE ROPE OF ISLAM, akhi!!!
This post has been edited by Transition?: 28 December 2009 - 04:07 AM
#5 Guest_dailybasis28_*
- Group: Guests
Posted 28 December 2009 - 04:15 AM
Transition?, on Dec 28 2009, 02:59 AM, said:
akhi,=)
ADVICE TO THE BROTHER/THREAD STARTER:
I don't mean to be too assuming. I have seen this behavior a lot from many young people.
If she appears to be having personal problems, then I think it would be best to excuse her? Seems like she's going through some tough times with her environment/ the people around her/family etc.
Perhaps you are part of that environment?
You two did mingle, and maybe she developed feelings....O_O....sometimes, when we don't take measure to repel love, we develop feelings. She feels guilty for those feelings because she still fears Allah (swt) now she is trying to remove them for Allah's sake. It is a very common strategy to vilify and hate the person you love because of the feelings you developed for him. It is extreme, but attraction/love/lust is ...well..extreme. That way she forces herself to distance herself from him and he automatically hates you back for it.
Now she could be trying to reach back to her religion (do see any indications of that to confirm this possible explanation?).... Is it really bad that you two are now avoiding each other? She could just be trying to avoid fitna. Stern hello.
Or maybe someone did misinform her about you, but I suggest you wait until you get over your feelings for her. She has time to get over whatever grudge (rational or irrational against you).
BE PATIENT. DON'T BE ALONE WITH THE SISTER. GIVE HER SPACE AND TIME. GIVE YOURSELF SPACE AND TIME. AND INSHAALLAH, SHE'LL HAVE TIME TO GET OVER IT. NATURALLY, A SISTER-BROTHER "RELATIONSHIP" WITHIN THE CONTEXT ISLAM. AKA, not MUCH OF A RELATIONSHIP lol.
The thing is her behavior, distancing herself from you is NOT WRONG. It's good for her and her faith. It may be upsetting to you because she has to hate you for a while to get over you, but she'll let go of her feelings.
Let her distance herself from you. [That's the way it should be] If you really care about her, then don't stop her from protecting her faith and herself from Hellfire. It may be difficult for you because you seem to have feelings but yeah, VERILY LIFE IS A STRUGGLE. We were meant to worship not follow our desires and whims. It will be a struggle for you.
WHEN THIS SITUATION RESOLVES, INSHAALLAH, YOU FEEL EASE. AND REMEMBER THIS AS A LESSON TO BE WARY WHEN IN THE PRESENCE OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.
FEAR ALLAH (SWT)!!!! LOVE HIM!!!! SHEILD YOUR HEART, AKHI, IT WILL LEAD YOU ASTRAY UNLESS THERE IS MARRIAGE TO MAKE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER PERMISSIBLE (which is unlikely SO NO more mingling!) REMOVE YOUR FEELINGS. AND ASK FOR GUIDANCE.
[b]
IN CONCLUSION,
GIVE HER SPACE. AND DON'T CONTACT HER ANYTIME SOON AT ALL.
WE FEAR FOR YOUR FAITH. ISLAM IS REALITY, DON'T STRAY FROM YOUR LORD AND DON'T ENJOIN AND WHAT HE HAS FORBIDDEN.
HOLD TIGHT ONTO THE ROPE OF ISLAM, akhi!!!
Thanks Transition.
#6
- Formerly "Transition?"
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- Group: Sisters
- Posts: 595
- Joined: 28-April 09
- Gender:Female
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Posted 28 December 2009 - 04:31 AM
dailybasis28, on Dec 27 2009, 10:17 PM, said:
This thread is not irrelevent. If you dont want to read it, then dont read it and reply to it with nasty opinions. Keep to yourself.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
NP AKHI.
But I really fear for you.
I know you do not want to be hated by anyone. But in my many years doing the halal, with stern hellos and distance myself from the opposite sex, some brother, misunderstand, have cried and have been personally hurt by my behavior. BUT WE DISTANCE OURSELVES OUT OF RESPECT AND LOVE FOR OUR FELLOW BROTHERS/SISTER, not the other way. I know you feel guilty, but you'll FEEL EVEN MORE GUILTY IF YOU MEET HER AND CONTINUE MINGLING WITH HER..... RECOGNIZE THE WAYS OF THE SHAYTAN. HE WILL NEVER TELL YOU TO DO ANYTHING BAD... HE IS MORE TRICKIER THAN THAT.....
REMEMBER THE STORY OF THE RIGHTEOUS BURSEERAH? HE ONLY HAD GOOD INTENTIONS OF HELPING THE WOMAN IN HIS RESPONSIBILITY, BUT HE UNFORTUNATELY MINGLED AND HE WAS UNABLE TO CONTROL HIS FEELINGS. HE FORNICATED. THE ONCE RIGHTEOUS BURSEERAH!! DESIRE IS STRONG..
PATIENTLY WAIT, DON'T MEET HER AKHI!!!!!
IF YOU NEED TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS, MAYBE IN A LONG TIME. BUT STILL YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO STIR UP THOSE SISTER'S FEELINGS AGAIN...through contacting her. BEWARE!!!!
#7
- Formerly "Transition?"
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- Group: Sisters
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- Joined: 28-April 09
- Gender:Female
- Location:Earth's Crust
Posted 28 December 2009 - 04:36 AM
Guest_Someone_*, on Dec 27 2009, 10:19 PM, said:
wafa, on Dec 28 2009, 03:00 AM, said:
That is not that point though who ever you may be. A lot of things on this forum are irrelevant to me. They dont concern me. I dont know these people but if you have anything constructive to say then say it rather than making the individual who made this thread feel worse. The next person who wants to ask advice whatever it maybe will first question, "well what are other people going think about this?"
Brother Mindful mentioned a good point which I did not really think into when I posted my response to the owner of the thread but if you had said something similar it would have been better than saying, "well this entire thread is irrelevant."
Brother Mindful mentioned a good point which I did not really think into when I posted my response to the owner of the thread but if you had said something similar it would have been better than saying, "well this entire thread is irrelevant."
It is about time someone said that these irrelevent threads should not be made. The thread starter may feel worse after my comment but if my comment prevents similar threads being created then more attention can be given those those people who are more in need of it. As I mentioned I dont want people being put off coming into this section simply because they have seen pointless threads. I hope people understand why I have said what I have.
akhi, ukthi
be easy with lovers.
Quote
Be Easy with The Lovers!
For anyone involved in Da‘wah, or even just ‘practising’ their Deen, one of the most common problems you’ll hear about are those Muslims who have unfortunately mixed too much with someone from the opposite sex – and naturally fallen in love.
There is arguably no emotion or feeling stronger than love (although the desire for chocolate will give it a good run for its money!) but seldom do the People of Knowledge give the problem of illicit love the respect, time and seriousness that it deserves.
How often when we are approached by Muslims who have fallen in love with someone in their class, college, at work or whatever, do we react in an (understandably) frustrated and angry fashion, perhaps even harsh fashion? We spend so much time warning against illicit and illegal contact, about licentious behaviour with the opposite sex, we lecture and write, we teach and preach and if often feels like we do nothing else except warn our men and women from too much contact with the opposite sex, and then it all gets thrown back in our faces when they turn up in love.
From the various Muslims I’ve dealt with, love leads the individual to various extreme behaviours from trying to go cold turkey (in avoiding the girl in question for example) to the extent he physically forces himself to hate her to try and rescue himself from her, to the other extreme of a sister who apostated from the Deen in order to be with her lover. What we often forget is the old truism that “Love Blinds” and by Allah, indeed it does. When someone falls in love, all rationale goes out of the window, all common sense is discarded, family ties are walked over an best friends suddenly have become the ‘enemy’. It is a truly desperate state of affairs.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution for helping out illegal lovers; sure, we have to remind them of Allah and the Hereafter, remind them of the harms and then also the benefits of fidelity and the wisdom of the Sharī‘ah but we also need to be mindful of the weak and desperate emotional state of the afflicted.
Look at this beautiful but sad poem as narrated by Imām al-Asma‘ī:
On the authority of al-Asma‘ī, that he said, “I was once walking in the village when I came across a stone. Someone had written on it:
أيا معشر العشاق بالله خبروا **** إذا حل عشق بالفتى كيف يصنع
O lovers! By Allah, tell me!
If a young man is overcome by love, what should he do?
So I wrote underneath it:
يداوي هواه ثم يكتم سره **** ويخشع في كل الأمور ويخضع
Let him treat his desire, then conceal his secret
And humble himself in every matter and submit (before his Lord)
I returned the next day and I found written underneath it:
فكيف يداوي والهوى قاتل الفتى **** وفي كل يوم قلبه يتقطع
But how can it be treated when that desire fights the man
And every day his heart is torn to pieces?!
So I wrote underneath it:
إذا لم يجد صبراً لكتمان سره **** فليس له شيء سوى الموت أنفع
If he is unable to be patient with concealing his secret
Then there is nothing for him except death that will benefit!
I then returned on the third day to find a young man lying dead at the stone. I said, ‘Lā hawla wa lā quwwata illā billāhil-‘Alī’l-‘Adhīm!’ and found that he had written before his death:
سمعنا , أطعنا , ثم متنا فبلغوا **** سلامي إلى من كان للوصل يمنع
We have heard and we have obeyed; now we have died so tell everyone
My salām to the one who prevented me from attaining her.
(Narrated by al-Abshīhī in al-Mustatrif, 1/410)
[b]So dear brothers and sisters, next time we give advice to such people, just remember you’re dealing with hearts full of love not vessels full of stone.
For anyone involved in Da‘wah, or even just ‘practising’ their Deen, one of the most common problems you’ll hear about are those Muslims who have unfortunately mixed too much with someone from the opposite sex – and naturally fallen in love.
There is arguably no emotion or feeling stronger than love (although the desire for chocolate will give it a good run for its money!) but seldom do the People of Knowledge give the problem of illicit love the respect, time and seriousness that it deserves.
How often when we are approached by Muslims who have fallen in love with someone in their class, college, at work or whatever, do we react in an (understandably) frustrated and angry fashion, perhaps even harsh fashion? We spend so much time warning against illicit and illegal contact, about licentious behaviour with the opposite sex, we lecture and write, we teach and preach and if often feels like we do nothing else except warn our men and women from too much contact with the opposite sex, and then it all gets thrown back in our faces when they turn up in love.
From the various Muslims I’ve dealt with, love leads the individual to various extreme behaviours from trying to go cold turkey (in avoiding the girl in question for example) to the extent he physically forces himself to hate her to try and rescue himself from her, to the other extreme of a sister who apostated from the Deen in order to be with her lover. What we often forget is the old truism that “Love Blinds” and by Allah, indeed it does. When someone falls in love, all rationale goes out of the window, all common sense is discarded, family ties are walked over an best friends suddenly have become the ‘enemy’. It is a truly desperate state of affairs.
There is no one-size-fits-all solution for helping out illegal lovers; sure, we have to remind them of Allah and the Hereafter, remind them of the harms and then also the benefits of fidelity and the wisdom of the Sharī‘ah but we also need to be mindful of the weak and desperate emotional state of the afflicted.
Look at this beautiful but sad poem as narrated by Imām al-Asma‘ī:
On the authority of al-Asma‘ī, that he said, “I was once walking in the village when I came across a stone. Someone had written on it:
أيا معشر العشاق بالله خبروا **** إذا حل عشق بالفتى كيف يصنع
O lovers! By Allah, tell me!
If a young man is overcome by love, what should he do?
So I wrote underneath it:
يداوي هواه ثم يكتم سره **** ويخشع في كل الأمور ويخضع
Let him treat his desire, then conceal his secret
And humble himself in every matter and submit (before his Lord)
I returned the next day and I found written underneath it:
فكيف يداوي والهوى قاتل الفتى **** وفي كل يوم قلبه يتقطع
But how can it be treated when that desire fights the man
And every day his heart is torn to pieces?!
So I wrote underneath it:
إذا لم يجد صبراً لكتمان سره **** فليس له شيء سوى الموت أنفع
If he is unable to be patient with concealing his secret
Then there is nothing for him except death that will benefit!
I then returned on the third day to find a young man lying dead at the stone. I said, ‘Lā hawla wa lā quwwata illā billāhil-‘Alī’l-‘Adhīm!’ and found that he had written before his death:
سمعنا , أطعنا , ثم متنا فبلغوا **** سلامي إلى من كان للوصل يمنع
We have heard and we have obeyed; now we have died so tell everyone
My salām to the one who prevented me from attaining her.
(Narrated by al-Abshīhī in al-Mustatrif, 1/410)
[b]So dear brothers and sisters, next time we give advice to such people, just remember you’re dealing with hearts full of love not vessels full of stone.
This post has been edited by Transition?: 28 December 2009 - 04:41 AM
#9 Guest_dailybasis28_*
- Group: Guests
Posted 29 December 2009 - 02:03 AM
Transition?, on Dec 28 2009, 03:31 AM, said:
dailybasis28, on Dec 27 2009, 10:17 PM, said:
This thread is not irrelevent. If you dont want to read it, then dont read it and reply to it with nasty opinions. Keep to yourself.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
NP AKHI.
But I really fear for you.
I know you do not want to be hated by anyone. But in my many years doing the halal, with stern hellos and distance myself from the opposite sex, some brother, misunderstand, have cried and have been personally hurt by my behavior. BUT WE DISTANCE OURSELVES OUT OF RESPECT AND LOVE FOR OUR FELLOW BROTHERS/SISTER, not the other way. I know you feel guilty, but you'll FEEL EVEN MORE GUILTY IF YOU MEET HER AND CONTINUE MINGLING WITH HER..... RECOGNIZE THE WAYS OF THE SHAYTAN. HE WILL NEVER TELL YOU TO DO ANYTHING BAD... HE IS MORE TRICKIER THAN THAT.....
REMEMBER THE STORY OF THE RIGHTEOUS BURSEERAH? HE ONLY HAD GOOD INTENTIONS OF HELPING THE WOMAN IN HIS RESPONSIBILITY, BUT HE UNFORTUNATELY MINGLED AND HE WAS UNABLE TO CONTROL HIS FEELINGS. HE FORNICATED. THE ONCE RIGHTEOUS BURSEERAH!! DESIRE IS STRONG..
PATIENTLY WAIT, DON'T MEET HER AKHI!!!!!
IF YOU NEED TO ASK FOR FORGIVENESS, MAYBE IN A LONG TIME. BUT STILL YOU WOULD NOT WANT TO STIR UP THOSE SISTER'S FEELINGS AGAIN...through contacting her. BEWARE!!!!
Yeah you are right. I probably will lay off more than I already have, but I just dont know how much longer.
#10 Guest_Guest_*
- Group: Guests
Posted 29 December 2009 - 02:45 AM
It is very likely that she has had the Islamic perspective on things explained to her by someone, making her avoid most of the type of contact she had with you previously as explained by you (this is what one could possibly gather, but it doesn't mean it is in fact the case). Regardless...
If you are still interested, go ask for her hand. Speak to your parents and see what they have to say. You are at a stage now where you should be able to discuss these things with your parents in a mature way. The advice given by Ulama in regards to marriage is always two main actions "Istikhara" and "mashwara". As a Muslim these are very important. Think about it, do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? if yes, go and propose. If not, then move on, but the key is always Istikhara and mashwara, speak to those close to you, those whom you trust, speak to the righteous people around you, seek their advice and most importantly seek the guidance of the lord of the righteous, Allah.
Given that you were both involved an MSA, you're obviously a university student meaning you're not too young for marriage.
If you are still interested, go ask for her hand. Speak to your parents and see what they have to say. You are at a stage now where you should be able to discuss these things with your parents in a mature way. The advice given by Ulama in regards to marriage is always two main actions "Istikhara" and "mashwara". As a Muslim these are very important. Think about it, do you want to spend the rest of your life with this person? if yes, go and propose. If not, then move on, but the key is always Istikhara and mashwara, speak to those close to you, those whom you trust, speak to the righteous people around you, seek their advice and most importantly seek the guidance of the lord of the righteous, Allah.
Given that you were both involved an MSA, you're obviously a university student meaning you're not too young for marriage.
#11
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Posted 29 December 2009 - 11:44 PM
whatever the case is, you should confront her about it. it would have been better if she told you she had changed and become more fundmentalist rather than acting snobby.
if thats the case, then you can rest assured, she doesnt hate you rather shes become more God-fearing.
if thats the case, then you can rest assured, she doesnt hate you rather shes become more God-fearing.
This post has been edited by marriya: 29 December 2009 - 11:44 PM
#12 Guest_Guest_Someone_*_*
- Group: Guests
Posted 29 December 2009 - 11:46 PM
dailybasis28, on Dec 27 2009, 10:17 PM, said:
This thread is not irrelevent. If you dont want to read it, then dont read it and reply to it with nasty opinions. Keep to yourself.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
This thread is pointless and my opinions were not nasty, they may have been harsh but its the truth. So some sister has stopped talking to you, why are you spilling it out all on the forum? How are people on a forum going to help you if they do not even know the person in question or what you did? Go and cry about it to your friends or her friends who could actually help you with it.
And I would appreciate it if the admins would not delete my post. You can check my IP to see who I am, I do not mind. I have made a complaint in the past about useless threads clogging up this section. And I have only said what I have because I care about those who actually have serious issues which they need help with, not some teenage crush nonsense.
#13 Guest_oasis54098_*
- Group: Guests
Posted 30 December 2009 - 01:43 AM
oasis54098, on Dec 30 2009, 12:33 AM, said:
Guest_Someone_*, on Dec 29 2009, 10:46 PM, said:
dailybasis28, on Dec 27 2009, 10:17 PM, said:
This thread is not irrelevent. If you dont want to read it, then dont read it and reply to it with nasty opinions. Keep to yourself.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
The Islamic part of this is:
I am afraid she is mad at me, and I dont want to be hated by anyone. I fear Allah. My concern was mainly that, and I wanted to know how to go about it.
This thread is pointless and my opinions were not nasty, they may have been harsh but its the truth. So some sister has stopped talking to you, why are you spilling it out all on the forum? How are people on a forum going to help you if they do not even know the person in question or what you did? Go and cry about it to your friends or her friends who could actually help you with it.
And I would appreciate it if the admins would not delete my post. You can check my IP to see who I am, I do not mind. I have made a complaint in the past about useless threads clogging up this section. And I have only said what I have because I care about those who actually have serious issues which they need help with, not some teenage crush nonsense.
Why are you getting so upset? Who cares if the admin deleted your posts. It seems like you REALLY dont care about this so called teenage issue, so just don't respond. If are you getting satisfaction by defending yourself on here about some posts, then that's sad. It is not like you own this place or you are some kind of admin, so drop it. Simply read the many other threads/topics this site has to offer.
Maybe this issue is petty to your and probably other people, but the original poster may not look at this way. Maybe he did confront other people but wanted to get more opinions. Who knows how he feels, so you have to respect that.
Back to the topic:
I think you should just drop it for the time being. Sometimes when people avoid others they end up coming back around. WHo knows?!?! She could be depressed or something may be bothering her. You have to give her space. I dont know if its eating you up inside, but you have to patient. Whatever you do dont contact her, as this might exacerbate the situation. Dont express to her how you feel. I would say in a few months from now, maybe send her a friendly email to see how things are doing. If she responds, great. If not, simply back your bags and move on. If you are in desperation, maybe going away to another place, then I say express yourself and put it out there. Again, if she responds, great. If not just move on.
#15
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Posted 30 December 2009 - 04:30 PM
When i read the first few lines of your post, i honestly thought you were a sister because i couldnt imagine a guy who is part of an MSA being 'friends with' and playing sport with a muslimah. It just doesn't go together. It's a very conflicting image. It's only the part where you said she might have had a crush on you that i realised you're a brother. No offence, but if you're part of an organisation that does activities like giving dawah, you shouldn't portray a wrong image of yourself in public. It's just soooo contradictory to me. Please don't take offence but you know freemixing is wrong, so i won't bother saying anymore regarding that.
Anyway my advise to you is:
Don't contact her. It's haram to freemix, so why would you want to continue to freemix with her? What would you gain by getting her to be friendly to you again? It's just going to cause more freemixing/sinning.
If you're interested in her, then do istikhara and talk to parents and propose to her. Otherwise, just move on and don't let it bother you.
Sister Transition gave you lots of good advice. so i don't have much else to add.
Try nafl fasting. Fasting really helps to bring emotions/desires into control.
After a few months passes by and if this issue is still eating you up inside, then the most 'safe' option to me seems to ask her brother why she doesn't talk to you anymore, but don't under any circumstances contact her yourself. Perhaps she realised it's haram to freemix, or perhaps she's trying to get over her feelings for you, so if you contact her it would create more fitna. So don't contact her anymore. Just let it go and move on. Remind yourself that you're not supposed to freemix with her anyway, the only person you can be "friends" with from her family is her male siblings and her father. The only halal relationship you can have with her is marriage. So if marriage with her doesnt happen, then just try to move on and forget about her. You can't be 'friends' with her. Sorry. There's no such thing as 'friendship' between non-mahram opposite genders outside of marriage. Sorry if i sound harsh, but that's the truth, and i just had to say it, no matter how many times you heard of this before (that freemixing is wrong) because it is my duty to give the reminder in case the reminder benefits you inshallah. I'm giving the advice to you because i want what's good for you for your life in this world and the hereafter.
May Allah help you and Guide you and solve all your affairs. Ameen.
Anyway my advise to you is:
Don't contact her. It's haram to freemix, so why would you want to continue to freemix with her? What would you gain by getting her to be friendly to you again? It's just going to cause more freemixing/sinning.
If you're interested in her, then do istikhara and talk to parents and propose to her. Otherwise, just move on and don't let it bother you.
Sister Transition gave you lots of good advice. so i don't have much else to add.
Try nafl fasting. Fasting really helps to bring emotions/desires into control.
After a few months passes by and if this issue is still eating you up inside, then the most 'safe' option to me seems to ask her brother why she doesn't talk to you anymore, but don't under any circumstances contact her yourself. Perhaps she realised it's haram to freemix, or perhaps she's trying to get over her feelings for you, so if you contact her it would create more fitna. So don't contact her anymore. Just let it go and move on. Remind yourself that you're not supposed to freemix with her anyway, the only person you can be "friends" with from her family is her male siblings and her father. The only halal relationship you can have with her is marriage. So if marriage with her doesnt happen, then just try to move on and forget about her. You can't be 'friends' with her. Sorry. There's no such thing as 'friendship' between non-mahram opposite genders outside of marriage. Sorry if i sound harsh, but that's the truth, and i just had to say it, no matter how many times you heard of this before (that freemixing is wrong) because it is my duty to give the reminder in case the reminder benefits you inshallah. I'm giving the advice to you because i want what's good for you for your life in this world and the hereafter.
May Allah help you and Guide you and solve all your affairs. Ameen.