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Lies in a marriage


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#16 ghazala

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Posted 04 April 2011 - 03:41 AM

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bismillah,

beautiful reactions i must say ... subhanAllah

May allah bless you all ameen


first of all i want to ask you all one question?

if u love something say its your watch .... and it has a defect in it for example say its wrist belt is broken..... what would u do with the watch ? would u just throw it away or go to a shop and get it fixed? probably get it fixed .....

and in case if it dosent get fixed would u just throw it away? or store it in desk? i guess store it in desk subhanAllah

so when we have so much love for a non living thing than donot u think we must have even more love for the living things????


2) say if u have a child who is physically challenged would u just leave it alone to die knowing the fact that it is defective ? or would take good care of it coz its is yours ..???? i guess u would take extra care of it coz it is yours ....


so now know the fact that parents love there child alot and due to there extra love sometimes they make mistakes ..... after all we are humans who dosent make a mistake? so due to there over love for there child they made a mistake of hidding the truth .... May Allah forgive them ameen..... if our reactions for this is like this then for the mistakes that we do how should Allah react to us? just think....



I see this act of the sis as an obedience to her husband ..... if our reactions are like this to an act of truthfulness then non of us deserve to be truthful .... respect the sis for what she has done ...... she is being really sincere to her relationship subhanAllah... give her the respect that she deserves to be given as a ur bros wife ..... and dont go in between the matter of there personal life.....

Ask your bro to go and talk to his wife face to face and solve the matter ..... because at the moment the sis is going thru a tuff trial of her life subhanAllah .... look first of all she is carrying the pain of her defect and on top of that she is all alone dealing with her situation .... would you people react in the same way if it were u to be in her place? may that not happen ameen.... as we know womens are emotional where as men are strong so ur bro needs to go and talk to the sis and console her and take out solution for there future rather then leaving her alone in darkness.....

know the fact that ur bro was her Qadr and it was the will of Allah that they are wife and husband......

i remember a quote by ibn tamiyyah which states that " do not rely anyone on the world becoz in darkness even ur own shadow leaves you alone "

so the sis is really going thru much pain sis coz she is all alone but ofc Allah is with her .... on one hand she has her parents whome she cant see in pain on the other hand she has people given her strange looks for her truthfulness .... and at this moment the most needed person to her is ur bro .... ask him to go and console her first and talk to her on how to deal with this problem ..... do not tell him that divorce her or something ... let the matter be between him and his wife .... you just tell him this and inshaAllah they will surely come out with a solution ameen

May Allah bless the couple ameen

sis remember that RasoolAllah(saw) had even wifes who where ill,old and widows subhanAllah and he dealt with them in the most gentle way ....

remember when one of his wife was crying coz her camel was walking slow he went and consoled her rather then leaving her alone ......

so now ur bro needs to console her ...... its not her mistake that she cant give birth it was a decree of Allah and ur bro was in her Qadr .....


Also remember Ibrahim(as) he was not blessed with a child till long old age from his wife .... then when he was married to his 2nd wife he had to leave them all alone .... what a trial..... subhanAllah....

but what we really need to show here is sabr ..... and do not curse the sis... May be there will be a way out of this problem soon ameen....

May Allah forgive me if i have said something wrong ameen

this is what i think from the best of my knowledge .....

wa Allahu Alim....

with regards,
Abd Allah,
Ghazala(A sis from ummah).

Edited by ghazala, 04 April 2011 - 04:00 AM.


#17 ZanjabiLinMYsaLsaBil

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Posted 04 April 2011 - 03:42 AM

(7:199)Show forgiveness, enjoin what is good, and turn away from the foolish (i.e. don't punish them).


(55:60) Is there any reward for good anything but good?

This has your answer....now CONTEMPLATE....

Edited by susan19, 04 April 2011 - 03:46 AM.


#18 Abu Muhammad

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Posted 04 April 2011 - 04:33 AM

This is not a simple matter. No one here to the best of my knowledge is a scholar. I suggest your brother consults a scholar and does Istikhara. It is not a matter for young adults halfway across the world to decide what happens to your brothers relationship. It needs someone with experience to advise on this situation.

#19 ghazala

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Posted 04 April 2011 - 04:41 AM

^ indeed :)

#20 ZanjabiLinMYsaLsaBil

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Posted 04 April 2011 - 06:19 PM

This is just an Advisory section....so thats the advice of us all....ofcourse advice of a scholar IS needed....Ya HadikumAllah brotherPosted Image

#21 Rain

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Posted 05 April 2011 - 02:03 PM

I feel so sorry for your brother and family. If he doesn't get married again or doesn't divorce her, he won't have children. In the future, he'll look at you and your other siblings, family, friends etc. having children and he'd feel so left out. This is so unfair on him.

I think he should consult a scholar and see what happens. All the best iA.

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 12:10 AM

View PostAbu Muhammad, on 04 April 2011 - 04:33 AM, said:

This is not a simple matter. No one here to the best of my knowledge is a scholar. I suggest your brother consults a scholar and does Istikhara. It is not a matter for young adults halfway across the world to decide what happens to your brothers relationship. It needs someone with experience to advise on this situation.



and u need 2 have manners try that akhi maybe it will work inshallah :D

#23 Abu Abdul Rahman

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Posted 06 April 2011 - 03:57 AM

View PostBint-al-aqsa, on 06 April 2011 - 12:10 AM, said:

View PostAbu Muhammad, on 04 April 2011 - 04:33 AM, said:

This is not a simple matter. No one here to the best of my knowledge is a scholar. I suggest your brother consults a scholar and does Istikhara. It is not a matter for young adults halfway across the world to decide what happens to your brothers relationship. It needs someone with experience to advise on this situation.



and u need 2 have manners try that akhi maybe it will work inshallah :D


I dont see anything wrong with his post sister. He didnt insult anyone here, he's just asking the sister to become cautious of what we say because in the end of the day we're not professional counselors or scholars. I mean come on, teenagers advising an adult on his marriage?!

#24 ZanjabiLinMYsaLsaBil

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Posted 08 April 2011 - 03:10 AM

Reminder People!


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#25 TorqueWar Seeker

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Posted 08 April 2011 - 07:08 AM

The sad/horrified reaction is understandable. Just think about this though:

  • What's the assurance that the brother himself is able to produce children? Just because he marries a fertile woman it does not guarantee that he can have children. Men are known to have reproductive issues too. It may even be possible that both husband and wife are healthy but still unable to produce children. It's in Allah's hands.
  • Why not look at this situation as a test? It is Allah who gives us children. Who are we to look down upon someone for their defects. Allah can make that sister carry children if He wishes. Maybe everyone just needs to be patient during the trial. Afterall, the sister hasn't been dishonest after she became his wife. It must have taken a lot of courage to talk about it. MAKE DUA AND WATCH MIRACLES HAPPEN!

Edited by TorqueWar Seeker, 08 April 2011 - 07:09 AM.


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Posted 08 April 2011 - 12:30 PM

View PostAbu Abdul Rahman, on 06 April 2011 - 03:57 AM, said:

View PostBint-al-aqsa, on 06 April 2011 - 12:10 AM, said:

View PostAbu Muhammad, on 04 April 2011 - 04:33 AM, said:

This is not a simple matter. No one here to the best of my knowledge is a scholar. I suggest your brother consults a scholar and does Istikhara. It is not a matter for young adults halfway across the world to decide what happens to your brothers relationship. It needs someone with experience to advise on this situation.



and u need 2 have manners try that akhi maybe it will work inshallah :D


I dont see anything wrong with his post sister. He didnt insult anyone here, he's just asking the sister to become cautious of what we say because in the end of the day we're not professional counselors or scholars. I mean come on, teenagers advising an adult on his marriage?!



Akhi is it not an advisory section are we not allowed to give advice fair enough wer not sheikhs and all of us should have said go to a sheikh but instead of his reaction we should have got jazkallah khayr if he aint happy about us giving advice then maybe these section of the forum should be deleted? and another akhi am not no teenager am married so i tried not to speak out of a blind eye :) dont judge before you know anything akhi.

W.SALAM

#27 Skooch

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Posted 09 April 2011 - 04:23 AM

ownage ^ :P

#28 Al-Siddiq

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Posted 13 April 2011 - 07:15 PM

Assalamu alaikum,


Firstly, one someone gives advice it should be based on evidence from islam, not our own whims. If any of us are speaking based on our own feelings/inclinations this I strongly advise we stop inshAllah.

Secondly, marriage encompasses two areas in islam. One is the hukm Allah give on all the areas of marriage, the other is wisdom and advise on the basis of experience.

To make this distinction clean, Allah has made it permissible to divorce women. However, how we go about conveying this is part of wisdom (like sending a text message divorce vs saying it in person). Understanding this difference requires knowledge of it and if we are are not sure it is better to remain silent.



All that being said, from my understanding it is recommended marrying a sister who will give many children based on the hadith of the prophet peace be upon him which says:

Ma’qil ibn Yasaar said: A man came to the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said, “I have found a woman who is of good lineage and is beautiful, but she does not children. Should I marry her?” He said, “No.” Then he came again with the same question and he told him not to marry her. Then he came a third time with the same question and he said: “Marry those who are loving and fertile, for I will be proud of your great numbers before the other nations.” [abu dawood]

That being said, we must remember that it was a sunnah of the sahabah to marry all the muslim women to keep them from being single. Not only this, but we should be marrying sisters to help them out not, not for just our own benefit.


Our purpose in life is seek the pleasure of Allah. The question the brother should ask is what is it that would please Allah most?


I will also see if I can get a more specific answer for you inshAllah, in terms of whether it's better to marry a sister that might not be best for the brother, but by marrying her he can really help her out.

Either way, make it very clear to the sister that this is deception. You cannot base a contract on deception.

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Posted 14 April 2011 - 12:22 AM

Jazak Allah Kheir Brother Al-Sidiq. I would appreciate (and await) a more detailed answer from you.May Allah (swt) reward you for your wisdom (Aamin).

#30 Rajiyat al Firdaws

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Posted 08 June 2011 - 02:14 PM

Assalamu alaikum,

If you're looking for the ruling on this matter then the ruling is that it is obligatory upon the potential spouse to state any major deficiency (if they are aware of it), and infertility is one of those major deficiencies.

If however, the spouse conceals this deficiency then the man has the right to annul the marriage and take back the dowry.

Listen from 20 minutes on ward...

Wallahu alam




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