21 replies to this topic

[Salaam]

FragileVessels, on 23 January 2012 - 04:52 AM, said:

Sister it is very heartbreaking to hear of your loss. May allah give you sabr and may this child lead you by the umbilical cord on the day of judgement to Jannah.

UmmMaryam, on 22 January 2012 - 12:58 AM, said:

Wait sis Wafiyyah, dont jump to divorce before understanding the sister's husband's problem and please maintain some respect, the man is a muslim and he is still the sister's husband, please refrian from saying such things as disgusting man. This is not the adaab of a muslim and if the sister married him, logic says he must not be as bad as that.

Im sorry but I find it very difficult to respect someone who hurts another muslim and the worst hurt is caused by a husband to his wife through unfaithful behaviour. This disgusts me and I cannot leave that unexpressed. As for the comment about the divorce, I made it clear in my second post that several steps need to be followed before that course is taken.

Inshallah sister you seem intent on not getting a divorce may Allah reward you and make the path easy for you. Just make sure you don’t become attached to duniya, I know its hard but this is a test for you and remember that your husband is just a temporary part of this world. Inshallah he will change but even if he remains unfaithful then Allah will give you a loving husband in Jannah who will value you, love you and treat you will abundance of happiness. Inshallah.
Try and do islamic activities with your husband, attend Jumah with him, go to lectures, listen to lectures and read Quran together. I recommend Imam Anwar al Awlaki’s lectures on the hereafter, Muhammad (saw)’s life etc for building iman.

i beleive people in general shouldnt be giving advice on things far beyond their level of understanding you should do the same , the best person for the sister to speak to now is a scholar not regular person like you or me

to the sister i dont know what country your from but you can give a call to some of these schoalrs for some help and advice


sheikh madani:madani@jamiatulummah.org.uk, marmadani@yahoo.co.uk, marmadani@googlemail.com
sheikh saifuddin: fax: 00966 03 5874644 email saifbelal2010@gamil.com
religios advice http://www.eastlondo...&%20counselling 020 7650 3000

[UmmMaryam]

Alhamdulillah its good to see you have decided on a course of action for your emotions. Please take care of yourself physically and emotionally, the body goes through a lot during miscarriage, a lot of blood is lost. You need to eat well, eat healthy and stay fit. You are in London, subhanAllah, that place is so active with sisters activities. I have heard of sisters self defence/ karate lessons, why dont you take up something in your spare time. Physical activity keeps the body healthy and the mind positive, it also curbs excess emotions that is not healthy. Im not saying what you are feeling is unhealthy, in fact it is very normal and maybe even tapered. But brothers who have weakness with this issue, it takes a strong wife to keep them in check and keep them busy and away from the chatting. He needs to keep busy, you need to come up with a strategy for him to do that when he returns. He needs a job, he needs a goal in life to work towards, Islamic/ Dunya what have you. Perhaps enrol him in one of Muhammad Alshareef's courses.

[Salaam]

upset, on 24 January 2012 - 08:35 AM, said:

Firstly JazakAllah to everyone for the advice and care. I am glad I spoke about it otherwise I would be holding it in and it would drive me crazy. I am still recovering from the miscarriage, and although it hurts, it is the will of Allah swt and I am pleased with it. Insha'Allah it will be a means of Jannah for myself.

It is difficult being alone though, and my husband has decided to extend his stay because his father is unwell. I have spoken to him about the miscarriage, and he is quite upset too. I didn't confront him directly about the messages, rather I told him I don't like that he spends so much time talking to females. He said he knew he had a problem but it was difficult for him not to. He said he would try to cut it down. I just felt that confronting him directly would cause more fitnah, and by just making him aware that there is a problem would be better.Subhan'Allah it is so easy to get carried away with emotions that you have to just stop and think, if I react like this, what will the consequences be, and am I prepared to deal with them.

The trust will admittedly be hard to rebuild, but I shall try everyday insha'Allah. I have taken the liberty of blocking the sister from his email, but I have a bad feeling he will find out and it will cause problems for us later.

I know how easy it is to get attached to the dunya, and I am quite attached to my husband. Things have changed though, before I used to cry to him. I remember when I had my first miscarriage the first thing I did was call him and I cried to him a lot. This time I haven't cried once in our conversations and have reserved that for when I am speaking to Allah. I am not as reliant on him as before, which Alhamdulillah is a good thing.

I don't know whether he will really stop. I know the reality that even though I have blocked one person, he could just go onto the next, but I have to believe the best about him and insha'Allah his heart will be guided by the Guider of hearts. I love him a lot and I want him to be my husband in the akhirah, insha'Allah.

Jazak'Allahu Khayran brother Salaam, I am in the UK so I will call the East London masjid for further advice. It is always good to have a brothers perspective because females are emotional and we act more on emotions than logic.

Please remember me and my husband in your duas, and may Allah swt bless you all and grant you the best in both worlds. Ameen.

ameen

[ghazala]

upset, on 24 January 2012 - 08:35 AM, said:

Firstly JazakAllah to everyone for the advice and care. I am glad I spoke about it otherwise I would be holding it in and it would drive me crazy. I am still recovering from the miscarriage, and although it hurts, it is the will of Allah swt and I am pleased with it. Insha'Allah it will be a means of Jannah for myself.

It is difficult being alone though, and my husband has decided to extend his stay because his father is unwell. I have spoken to him about the miscarriage, and he is quite upset too. I didn't confront him directly about the messages, rather I told him I don't like that he spends so much time talking to females. He said he knew he had a problem but it was difficult for him not to. He said he would try to cut it down. I just felt that confronting him directly would cause more fitnah, and by just making him aware that there is a problem would be better.Subhan'Allah it is so easy to get carried away with emotions that you have to just stop and think, if I react like this, what will the consequences be, and am I prepared to deal with them.

The trust will admittedly be hard to rebuild, but I shall try everyday insha'Allah. I have taken the liberty of blocking the sister from his email, but I have a bad feeling he will find out and it will cause problems for us later.

I know how easy it is to get attached to the dunya, and I am quite attached to my husband. Things have changed though, before I used to cry to him. I remember when I had my first miscarriage the first thing I did was call him and I cried to him a lot. This time I haven't cried once in our conversations and have reserved that for when I am speaking to Allah. I am not as reliant on him as before, which Alhamdulillah is a good thing.

I don't know whether he will really stop. I know the reality that even though I have blocked one person, he could just go onto the next, but I have to believe the best about him and insha'Allah his heart will be guided by the Guider of hearts. I love him a lot and I want him to be my husband in the akhirah, insha'Allah.

Jazak'Allahu Khayran brother Salaam, I am in the UK so I will call the East London masjid for further advice. It is always good to have a brothers perspective because females are emotional and we act more on emotions than logic.

Please remember me and my husband in your duas, and may Allah swt bless you all and grant you the best in both worlds. Ameen.

innal illahi wa inna illahi rajioon ...

May Allah bless you with another good newz very soon ameen
May the child pull you by umbillical cord and take you to jannah ameen
May Allah bless you for all that you are going thru ameen

SubhanAllah! sis i can see you are strong enough to face all these situation ... seriously may Allah increase you in sabr ameen and have mercy on ... and may ALlah forgive your sins ameen ...

sis please be in good communication with ur husband ... and talk to him every now and then ... do not despair coz this life is just a test and every person has to play there own role and go it depends on us how we justify our existence any point of time you feel really depressed or something always remember every tear and pain you are going thru there is always someone who is watching you and keeping an account of what is inside that you are feeling and all inshaAllah ... things will be fine and if they are not even fine or good then also remember .. this world is just an test and a dream we will again raise up to see our beloved and will get even more better things when we really open our eyes wide to see what we really existed for inshaAllah ... :') ... this is what i have to tell there is nothing more that i can really do for you but inshaAllah never feel alone ... we all are always here for u and inshaAllah you are in our duas thats the best thing anyone of us can do here inshaAllah

love you loads sis and would like to see you on the forum around always and please dont hide your feelings within you .. if anytime you need to talk or want any cycological support we are always here for u inshaAllah

with all respect and regard ,
Abd Allah,
Ghazala (A sis from ummah).

Edited by ghazala, 27 January 2012 - 11:59 AM.