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Committing zina, want to stop but dont know how! - 7th Century Generation

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Committing zina, want to stop but dont know how!


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#1 Guest_confused teenager_*

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Posted 30 March 2012 - 12:58 PM

Salam everyone,

I am an 18 year old Muslim brother, and unfortunately have a girlfriend. I got into a relationship at the age of 16, and up till that point, id like to think that i was a decent muslim. I would pray 4 or 5 times a day, recite Quran and would follow all the basics of Islam. Ever since getting into the relationship, my life has been horrible.

Obviously with the relationship came a lot of zina. Kisses, hugs, etc. I am really ashamed of myself, and i hate myself for ever getting into a relationship. Last year, a month before Ramadan, we had sex. i felt so regretful that i did itikaf at the mosque for the last days of Ramadan, hoping for a self realisation or change of any sort, i was desperate to repent. It was during this time, that my girlfriend (muslim) cheated on me. She claims she does not know why she did it, and she says she is really regretful. i dont beleive her

I told her i would forgive her and take her back, on the condition that she starts praying 5 times a day and inshallah wears the hijab. I also said we were to keep a distance from each other, and would slowly reduce our meeting/phone calls etc until it was practically nothing, until marriage inshallah.

She promised me all of that, but she has not kept a single one of them. She does not pray, she doesnt even consider the hijab, she makes friends with the wrong crowd. I have, however, made her start to wear only full sleeved clothing, before she wore half sleeves etc.

Unfortunately, i am extremely weak and have no self control, and as a result we still have intercourse quite frequently. Every single time i feel absoltuely sick inside and i hate myself, but i dont know how to stop. i am pathetic.

I really want to stop having sex, even meeting. I just want the zina to stop. But i dont know HOW to stop, ive been with her for one and a half years, and she is the first girl ive ever been weak for. I dont want to give her up, and i know my parents would not ever consider nikkah with her, as they know she cheated on me and hate her.

I want help! i dont even know if taking her back was right, seeing as she cared so little about me and cheated.

how do i stop? was it right taking her back? what do i do?!

i really want to be a good muslim, but at the same time i want to marry her eventually.

begging for help

brother in islam

#2 Mu'mina

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Posted 31 March 2012 - 06:00 AM

*bump*

#3 Guest_anon_*

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 12:22 AM

walaykum assalam,

first, decide do you really want to marry her? put your feelings for her aside for a bit, and think. do you want her to be the mother of your kiddos? does she respect you and listen to you and respect you the way you would want your wife to? whats better for your Iman - being with her or not? would she change for the better if you married her?

if you don't think she would be the best for your Iman or that she wont change for the better if you got married, leave her. im sorry for saying leave her, cos i know it hurts like no tomorrow. she's a lot to you ay, but remember, she's not worth Allah's Wrath or hell. leaving slowly doesnt work. been there, done that and it just ... it has an opposite reaction to what you would want lol. instead of "weakening" feelings, it makes feelings go insane.

look, if you want to change, leave the people who have a negative influence on you. your girl, your friends if they influence you badly and whoever. find some good dudes and make friends with them. cos even being around people who are not good affects your Iman. once your with good people it makes it a lot easier.

its shaytaan getting to your head. she makes you feel good but then your conscience kills you from the inside. and you dont know what to choose. yeh its going to hurt. but there is no way your going to get out of this mess without it hurting. but once you turn back to the deen it becomes a lot easier yeah. you wont regret it.

leave her (if thats what you decide). leave anyone who has bad influences on you. repent. make the effort to be better. its going to take time and lots of effort, but hey, no pain, no gain. and im guessing your mature enough for a relationship - get married.

oh and keep yourself busy so you dont see her as often. start praying and reading Qur'an regularly, and make loads of Dua and you'll find Allah will help you through the mess. you have to be willing to change, willing to leave behind anything and everything that displeases Allah, and if you have the love for Allah, it'll be easy to let go of your love for her.

just my 2 cents for you. your in my Du'as. take care of your Iman first yeah and yourself...
wasalaam.

#4 Abu Hafsa

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 02:08 AM

Asalamualikum

Brother if she cheated on you and does not keep promises(ie: wearing Hijab, praying, etc) then how can you expect that she will not cheat on you after if you get married? Best thing to do is break up with her and leave. Don't you want to have a wife who will raise up righteous children?

Brother you yourself said: "Ever since getting into the relationship, my life has been horrible."

Brother If you continue with this not only will your life get worse but your Akhira is being destroyed as well. Allah knows best

Make duua and don't be weak. Everything is difficult in the beginning. But if you keep at it it becomes easier and you become stronger. So if you avoid her then in the beginning it might seem very difficult but slowly you'll become stronger inshAllah and won't feel so weak inshAllah. Remember if you walk towards Allah(swt), He(swt) will run towards you.

Quote

“Say: ‘O ‘Ibaadi (My slaves) who have transgressed against themselves (by committing evil deeds and sins)! Despair not of the Mercy of Allaah, verily, Allaah forgives all sins. Truly, He is Oft‑Forgiving, Most Merciful’”

[Surah Az-Zumar Ayah: 53]








There are two things that I will leave you with and I would really like you to listen to these inshAllah:

1) Connect you heart to the hereafter brother, before, anything else: http://kalamullah.co...r-alawlaki.html

Scroll down to 'The Hereafter' and download the series and listen to it. InshAllah it will increase your love for Jannah and Akhirah.

2) Ahmad the Repenter

Download here: http://kalamullah.com/bilal-assad.html

OR

Watch on YouTube:


Edited by SaracenSoldier, 01 April 2012 - 02:10 AM.


#5 neelu

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Posted 01 April 2012 - 10:34 PM

I find a lot of teenagers think they are all grown up and have the maturity to make decisions that can affect the rest of their lives but actually a lot of the time teenagers are still big kids and their actions can really reflect this. I say this because teenagers seem to have this unrealistic romanticised view of marriage. In fact not just teenagers, a lot of older people carry this misconception as well that marriage will somehow fix things or fill a void that was previously in your life and it really doesn't work like that.

Marriage doesn't come with guarantees. If a woman is disloyal before marriage, then marrying her isn't exactly going to secure that loyalty is it? If a woman isn't mindful of the deen, refuses to pray and cover, then it doesn't sound like she'll have much incentive to behave more Islamically as a wife does it? If something is lacking and missing from her now, then marrying her is not going to fix that.

It sounds to me like you want the best of both worlds; you want to improve in your deen by distancing yourself from her and encouraging her to cover but at the same time you want to eventually marry her so that you wont have to let go of the relationship with her completely. Well from what you've told us, it appears that if she doesn't repent then you will be forced to make a difficult choice; either you marry a woman who is disloyal, not good in her deen, doesn't cover or else you let her go. Bear in mind that the quranic ayahs about marriage talk about seeking "chastity not lust" so if you think you need to marry her because you can't resist her temptations etc then pray and seek guidance from Allah (swt) to ensure that you make your decision for the right reasons.

I personally think you should flee from this woman cos' if she is not turning to her deen then it's already an indication that she does not use that as her criterion in making her decisions so she has no disincentive from trying to tempt you further into zina. I know that would be hard because you think she is your first love/lust and you've not been with anyone else the way you've been with her but you need to turn to Allah (swt) and make a decision on this matter based on your head and your heart, not based on your feelings lower down.

My brother ended up marrying a woman he'd met during his late teens. She was not only lacking in the deen but to a significant extent she discouraged him (and to some extent their children) away from the deen as well. I don't think there was any other woman in his life before he met her so he felt a strong connection to her and ended up marrying her when he was in his mid twenties. The fact that she was lacking in deen and respect for family values should've rang alarm bells and been a warning sign that she was unsuitable to marry but I guess because of the sense of companionship and being so used to each other being around before marriage, I guess that made it harder for him to think of the traditional route of getting to know a complete stranger in a formal way through family and deciding whether to marry or not.

So anyway if you count the time they met in their late teens, my bro was with her for around 17 years and they have 3 kids.... then she filed for divorce when the youngest child had just turned 1 year old, kicked him out of his own house and he had a battle on his hands just to regain the right to see his kids on weekends. He was never unfaithful, never abusive/violent, he was quite close and respectful to her family and very devoted to the kids but clearly that wasn't good enough. So just because you have a history and just because you lost your virginity to each other it doesn't mean that you'll always remain exclusive to each other and the problem of infidelity etc wont necessarily disappear after marriage either.

#6 UmmMaryam

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Posted 03 April 2012 - 01:30 AM

You need a role model, and older brother to help you out of this. I suggest you get some help from youth wing of any trusted islamic organisation, get involved. Change your mobile number, email and cut off from the girl. Its not even about her and how bad/ unislamic she is/ you are very much to blame as well, I will give you no pity. Unless you start strengthening your own resolve and stop being a push over, you will be pushed over in and out of haram throughout the rest of your life. You need a whole change in outlook, you need some goals in your life and you need to decide if your going to be a submitter to Islam or a submitter to your whims or other people's whims. You also need friends who are righteous (brothers) with whom you can take on recreations with i.e. sports, or projects. SubhanAllah you are a youth with energy and vitality and there is so much you can do for the muslim Ummah and for Islam, all you need to do is to stop focusing on all these haram things and take your focus to something greater. Make istighfar and move on and dont look back.

#7 ghazala

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 05:10 AM

Wa alikum As salam wa rahamatullahi,

JazakumAllahu khayran for all the advice. MashaAllah they are all very good...

View Postconfused teenager, on 30 March 2012 - 12:58 PM, said:

Salam everyone,

I am an 18 year old Muslim brother, and unfortunately have a girlfriend. I got into a relationship at the age of 16, and up till that point, id like to think that i was a decent muslim. I would pray 4 or 5 times a day, recite Quran and would follow all the basics of Islam. Ever since getting into the relationship, my life has been horrible.

well, does that mean that after u got a girlfriend you began to moving away from salah and Quraan ? when you understand that your life was or
is in a mess at that particular point you should have just cut down this crap brother ...

Obviously with the relationship came a lot of zina. Kisses, hugs, etc. I am really ashamed of myself, and i hate myself for ever getting into a relationship. Last year, a month before Ramadan, we had sex. i felt so regretful that i did itikaf at the mosque for the last days of Ramadan, hoping for a self realisation or change of any sort, i was desperate to repent. It was during this time, that my girlfriend (muslim) cheated on me. She claims she does not know why she did it, and she says she is really regretful. i dont beleive her

what does cheated on you mean ? im sorry i dont understand somethings ...
You went to ithkaf coz you felt regretful alhamdulillah that is really good mashaAllah!


I told her i would forgive her and take her back, on the condition that she starts praying 5 times a day and inshallah wears the hijab. I also said we were to keep a distance from each other, and would slowly reduce our meeting/phone calls etc until it was practically nothing, until marriage inshallah.

-> so did you people reduce your meetings and phone calls ?

She promised me all of that, but she has not kept a single one of them. She does not pray, she doesnt even consider the hijab, she makes friends with the wrong crowd. I have, however, made her start to wear only full sleeved clothing, before she wore half sleeves etc.

-> promised ? like what ? hmmm was it just a word ... ? or like for the sake of Allah alone ?

Unfortunately, i am extremely weak and have no self control, and as a result we still have intercourse quite frequently. Every single time i feel absoltuely sick inside and i hate myself, but i dont know how to stop. i am pathetic.

-> Astagfirullah! brother ... this makes my blood boil ... i sorta read your post over a couple of times before even replying coz i would have really told
that you must be lashed ... but then i thought to myself that you are in need of help and you are trying to turn to Allah subhanAllah! and May Allah forgive
your sins ameen ... brother i dont understand when you feel so bad about yourself for doing such an act of disobedience then how can you just commit
it over and over astagfirullah ! brother i wanted to tell you at this point that do one thing just and pour some hot buring water on your skin and see
can you bare that ? im not kidding im being very very serious ... i want you to do this for your self ... pour hot boiling water over yourself and see if you
can really bare that ... and then imagin how would you face a situation more difficult then that ..... and dont tell me stories saying that you felt bad but
you still contiuned doing it ... astagfirullah ... dont u think you have just failed to overcome your desires ... i understand shaytan and all but brother
dont u think you just acted on whispers ... altho u could have killed it by saying astagfirullah or la illaha illah allah ? brother this is not right ... look
i understand that you might have felt bad, but i ask why did u kill your consciousness ?

I really want to stop having sex, even meeting. I just want the zina to stop. But i dont know HOW to stop, ive been with her for one and a half years, and she is the first girl ive ever been weak for. I dont want to give her up, and i know my parents would not ever consider nikkah with her, as they know she cheated on me and hate her.

-> Astagfirullah! brother i would suggest that you fast (saum) as much as possible and each time you feel this way astagfirullah! just go and pour some
hot water over your self ... bother and i suggest that you be most of the time in wudhu and go and pray 2 rakah nafil salah ... each time you feel such a
thing ...

I want help! i dont even know if taking her back was right, seeing as she cared so little about me and cheated.

------ ----- ------ i have no idea about this one untill you dont answer some of my questions inshaAllah !

how do i stop? was it right taking her back? what do i do?!

i really want to be a good muslim, but at the same time i want to marry her eventually.

begging for help

brother in islam


#8 ghazala

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Posted 08 April 2012 - 05:42 AM

And verily, I am indeed Forgiving to him who repents, believes and does righteous good deeds, and then remains constant in doing them
Ta-Ha: 83

اور بے شک میں بڑا بخشنے والا ہوں اس کو جو توبہ کرے اور ایمان لائے اور اچھے کام کرے پھر ہدایت پر قائم رہے
سورة طه ایت 83

#9 ghazala

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Posted 19 April 2012 - 07:00 PM



#10 Salaam

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Posted 19 April 2012 - 08:12 PM

The punishment for zina (fornication, adultery) and how to keep oneself from going back to it



The problem is that I am a young man of thirty years of age. I got to know a girl who is nineteen years old who used all kinds of means to get to know me and get close to me. Without much talk or discussion, she went with me to my flat and I had intercourse with her dozens of times. There was a moment when I felt that I was about to die and I wanted to repent. I went to my father and asked him to get me married, and in fact I got married to a righteous girl from a respectable family. My main aim in marriage was to seek a woman who was religiously-committed, and this is what happened, for she is religious and is the daughter of a respected shaykh.
But my problem has become worse. Despite the fact that I have been successfully married – in everyone else’s eyes – for over a year and a half, I suddenly realized that I still feel love for the first girl with whom I had intercourse, and I am not able to leave her. Since I got married, I have not touched her or gone near her, but not a day goes by without me getting in touch with her by phone, and I do not want to hide from you the fact that I masturbate with my hand while I am speaking to her on the phone. I feel as if I am trapped by this girl and now she is not after me as much as I am after her. When we meet I feel scared to touch her, because I fear going back to zina.
My problem is simply psychological, which is how to discipline [?] myself and convince myself to keep away from this girl for once and for all, even though my wife is more beautiful than her and is better and she does everything she can to keep me chaste. Hence I despair of myself and I do not know how to sort myself out, despite the fact that everyone around me describes me as being good-hearted, loving good for people, shedding tears for the calamities and needs that befall people; they say that I try harder to do good for people than they do themselves, happily and willingly, and without them knowing about that, following the words of the Messenger of Allaah, “A man who gives in charity and conceals it so that his left hand does not know what his right hand is giving.”
Please help me to that I can be content with myself and be a righteous person.
Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allaah to relieve your distress and that of everyone who is distressed. From your question we may note the following:
1 – The fact that you have cut off the route to the Shaytaan, and are preventing him from continuing to tempt you, by getting married is something commendable, which points – in sha Allaah – to the goodness in your heart.
2 – In order for you to be sincere towards your Lord in your repentance, and so that Allaah may change your bad deeds (sayi’aat) into good deeds (hasanaat), you have to stop thinking about the first woman. Do not follow in the footsteps of the Shaytaan, and do not get carried away thinking about her, let alone speaking to her on the telephone, let alone meeting her, let alone doing anything that is more serious than that.
3 – Since it was thinking of death that led you to leave the first woman and get married, you should never stop thinking of it. This is the best advice a person may be given, whether he is falling short in obeying Allaah, or he is doing something that earns the wrath of Allaah. This is what gives the one who is falling short the motive to strive, because when death comes, good deeds are no longer recorded. It also gives the one who is doing evil actions the motive to stop and give them up, because a person’s deeds are judged according to his last deeds. It is sufficient for you to think of one thing: what if Allaah were to take your soul when you were masturbating while talking to this woman? What if Allaah were to take your soul when you were having unlawful intercourse with her?
My brother, think about it. Do you want to come out of your grave on the day when mankind is resurrected, holding onto your private part? Do you not see the great difference between this and between being resurrected prostrating or reciting the Talbiyah (as on Hajj or ‘Umrah) or remembering Allaah?
4 – The way in which you describe yourself makes us feel that there is much that is good in you, so beware of losing the reward for this goodness by having a bad end. Beware of depriving yourself of the reward for these virtues by committing such a major sin that will bring the wrath of your Lord upon you.
5 – You have no excuse for this relationship, for you are married to a woman who – as you say – is more beautiful and is better than the first one, so why not thank Allaah for giving you a halaal means of satisfying your desires? Why are you not content with that which Allaah has decreed for you of permissible things?
Your sin in doing these haraam deeds is worse than if you were not married. You are not single, rather Allaah has blessed you with the means of satisfying your desires in a permissible way. So whenever the Shaytaan makes you think of her (the first woman), go to your wife and seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan.
6 – We give you the best advice, which is to make du’aa’. Get up in the latter part of the night and beseech your Lord, submitting yourself to Him and humbling yourself before His Majesty, asking Him to rid you of the problem. Turn to your Lord and call upon Him, for He is the best One to be asked – may He be glorified – and He does not turn away His slaves if they are sincere.
7 – Do you know that by thinking of this girl, getting in touch with her and meeting her, the Shaytaan may cause you to fall into that which you did before? I hope that you will not be over-confident and think that you will be able to resist, for the one who is ruled by his desires is weak, and whoever walks for a few steps with the Shaytaan will walk with him to the end. But you should know that you are incurring the wrath of the Compeller (al-Jabbaar) and that you are committing one of the gravest acts of disobedience against Allaah after shirk.
Imaam Ahmad (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: I do not know of any sin after murder that is worse than zina, and he quoted as evidence the hadeeth of ‘Abd-Allaah ibn Mas’ood who said: “O Messenger of Allaah, which sin is the worst?” He said, “Setting up a rival to Allaah when He is the One Who created you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said: “Then what?” He said, “Killing your child for fear that he may eat with you.” [‘Abd-Allaah] said, “Then what?” He said, “Committing adultery with your neighbour’s wife.” And confirmation of that was revealed in the Qur’aan:
“And those who invoke not any other ilaah (god) along with Allaah, nor kill such person as Allaah has forbidden, except for just cause, nor commit illegal sexual intercourse and whoever does this shall receive the punishment”
[al-Furqaan 25:68]
You must also understand the effects that zina has on the soul (or on one’s psyche). Ibn al-Qayyim (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
Zina encompasses all the characteristics of evil: lack of religious commitment, loss of piety, loss of chivalry, lack of protective jealousy (gheerah). You will not find any adulterer who is pious, or keeps his promises, or speaks truthfully, or is a good friend, or has complete protective jealousy towards his family. Treachery, lying, betrayal, lack of modesty, lack of awareness that Allaah is always watching, lack of chivalry, loss of protective jealousy from the heart – these are the effects and implications of zina.
One of the effects of zina is that it earns the wrath of Allaah because His sacred limits are transgressed. If a man were to do such a thing to any king, he would meet the direst consequences. Another effect of zina is the darkening of the face, and the grimness and misert of face that are apparent to other people. Another effect of zina is darkness of the heart and the extinguishing of its light, which is what causes the extinguishing of light in the face and the darkening thereof. Another effect of zina is the poverty that it leads to. Another effect of zina is the loss of respect towards the one who does it, and the lowering of his status in the eyes of his Lord and in the eyes of His slaves. Another effect of zina is that is causes him to lose the best of attributes, namely chastity, goodness and righteousness, and it earns him their opposites, namely immorality, evildoing, adultery and betrayal. Another effect of zina is that it causes him to lose the title of believer, as it was narrated in al-Saheehayn that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No adulterer is a believer at the moment when he is committing adultery.” Another of the effects of zina is that it exposes one to the possibility of being one of the inhabitants of the oven (tannoor) in which the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) saw the adulterers and adulteresses. Another of the effects of zina is that it takes away the goodness which Allaah described as the attribute of those who are chaste, and replaces it with the evil which Allaah described as the attribute of the adulterers, as Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Bad statements are for bad people (or bad women for bad men) and bad people for bad statements (or bad men for bad women). Good statements are for good people (or good women for good men) and good people for good statements (or good men for good women)”
[al-Noor 24:26]
Allaah has forbidden Paradise to every evil person, and He has made Paradise the abode of the good, and no one will enter it but those who are good. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Those whose lives the angels take while they are in a pious state (i.e. pure from all evil, and worshipping none but Allaah Alone) saying (to them): Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be on you) enter you Paradise, because of that (the good) which you used to do (in the world)”
[al-Nahl 16:32]
“and its keepers will say: Salaamun ‘Alaykum (peace be upon you)! You have done well, so enter here to abide therein”
[al-Zumar 39:73]
So they will deserve the greeting of the angels and admission to Paradise because of their goodness. But the adulterers are among the most evil of creation, and Allaah has made Hell the abode of evil and its people. When the Day of Resurrection comes, the evil will be distinct from the good, and the evil will be piled up together, then it and its people will be thrown into Hell. No one who is good will enter Hell and no one who is evil will enter Paradise. Another of the effects of zina is the sense of alienation which Allaah instills in the heart of the adulterer, and this is like the alienation that shows on his face. For the one who is chaste has sweetness in his face and contentment in his heart, and whoever sits with him feels at ease with him. But the adulterer has signs of alienation in his face and whoever sits with him will feel uneasy. Another of the effects of zina is lack of respect, as his family, friends and others lose respect for him, and he becomes the most despicable thing in their sight; this is in contrast to the chaste person, who is blessed with dignity and sweetness. Another of the effects of zina is that people will regard him as a traitor and no one will trust him with regard to his wife or child. Another of the effects of zina is the foul odour that will emanate from him and be detected by everyone who has a sound heart; it will emanate from his mouth and body, and were it not for the fact that there are all the people have a similar odour, that smell would spread far and wide.
Another of the effects of zina is that he will feel uneasy and distressed, for adulterers are doing the opposite of what they are seeking. Whoever seeks the enjoyment and good things of life by means of that which Allaah has forbidden, Allaah will punish him by letting him get the opposite of that which he is trying to achieve. For that which is with Allaah can only be attained by obeying Him, and Allaah never makes disobedience towards Him the means of attaining anything good. If the immoral person only knew what delight, happiness, ease and good living there is in chastity, he would realize that the delights that he has missed out on are many times greater than those which he may have enjoyed, let alone the consequences in the Hereafter, when the chaste person will attain the reward of Allaah and will be honoured by Him. Another of the effects of zina is that he has exposed himself to missing out on the delights of al-hoor al-‘iyn in the beautiful abodes of the Garden of Eden (Jannaat ‘Adan). We have stated above that Allaah will punish those who wear silk in this world by depriving them of it on the Day of Resurrection, and He will punish those who drink wine in this world by depriving them of it on the Day of Resurrection. Similarly, those who enjoy forbidden images in this world will also be deprived of such in the Hereafter. Indeed, everything that a person gets in this world, if he indulges in it by permissible means, his share of it on the Day of Resurrection will be reduced to the extent that he indulged in it. And if he got it from haraam sources, he will lose out on it altogether on the Day of Resurrection. Another of the effects of zina is that zina leads to cutting the ties of kinship, disobedience towards parents, haraam earnings, mistreating others, neglect of one's wife and children, and it may even lead a person to shed blood unlawfully. He may seek help to commit zina by means of sihr (witchcraft) and shirk, and he may or not know that this sin inevitably includes other sins committed beforehand or alongside it, and that it leads to other kinds of sins that come after it. It is surrounded by a host of other sins that come before and after. It is the thing that is most likely to bring about evil in this world and the Hereafter, and the most likely to prevent good in this world and in the Hereafter. If a person falls into its traps and snares, it will be hard for sincere people to save him and for doctors to treat him; its prisoner cannot easily be ransomed, and its victim cannot be rescued. It also leads to the loss of blessings. If a person falls into this trap, let him bid farewell to the blessings of Allaah, for blessings may easily depart from a person and vanish. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“That is so because Allaah will never change a grace which He has bestowed on a people until they change what is in their ownselves. And verily, Allaah is All-Hearer, All‑Knower”
[al-Anfaal 8:53]
“But when Allaah wills a people’s punishment, there can be no turning back of it, and they will find besides Him no protector”
[al-Ra’d 13:10]
These are some of the harmful effects of this action.
Rawdat al-Muhibbeen, p. 360-363
We advise you to read a book by Ibn al-Qayyim which is very useful with regard to this topic. It is al-Jawaab al-Kaafi li man sa’ala ‘ala al-Dawaa’ al-Shaafi.
Finally, we ask Allaah to keep you safe and sound with regard to your religious commitment and your worldly affairs, and to help you put your affairs in order before you meet your Lord. And Allaah is the Guide to the Straight Path.
Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid

#11 Salaam

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Posted 19 April 2012 - 08:13 PM

He committed zina with a woman; is he allowed to marry her daughter?
I am a thirty year old man. The shaytaan tempted me and I committed zina with a woman, then Allaah blessed me and had mercy on me, and I repented sincerely to Allaah, may Allaah accept it from me. Until now I have not gotten married. I have decided to get married and my mother has suggested a girl, but this girl is the daughter of the woman with whom I committed zina before (please note that the zina occurred two years ago, and her daughter is now twenty years old). Hence I hope that you can advise me whether this marriage is haraam or not? I hope that you can explain fully.
Praise be to Allaah.
We ask Allaah to accept your repentance. Strive to make it a sincere repentance, because the crime of zina is a grave sin which results in many evils. The married man who commits zina deserves to be stoned to death, and there is no greater punishment than that among the hudood punishments, because of the abhorrent and repugnant nature of this crime.
Our advice to you is not to marry this girl, not because marrying her is haraam, but because through this marriage you will become closer to her mother with whom you committed zina, and getting close to her will remind you of that evil sin, and the shaytaan may whisper to you again, and make sin appear attractive to you, so you fall into it. Keeping away from reminders of evil and sin is part of repentance. This is indicated by the hadeeth about the one who killed one hundred people; the scholar told him to leave his village because its people were evil and immoral people. This is part of repenting fully.
With regard to whether it is permissible to marry this girl, there was a difference of opinion among the scholars regarding such cases. Al-Shaafa’i and Maalik – according to one of the two reports narrated from him – said that it is permissible, but Abu Haneefah, Ahmad and Maalik – according to the other report – said that such a marriage is haraam. The more correct is the first view.
Ibn ‘Abd al-Barr said:
They differed concerning a man who commits zina with a woman; is it permissible for him to marry her daughter or mother? Similarly, if he committed zina with a woman, can his son or father marry her? In all these cases, does zina make haraam what a valid marriage or an invalid marriage makes haraam (i.e., makes certain relatives mahrams to whom marriage is forbidden)?
Maalik said in his Muwatta’: Zina with a woman does not make it haraam for the one who commits zina with her to marry her daughter or mother. If a man commits zina with the mother of his wife, his wife does not become haraam to him, rather he should be killed. Zina does not make haraam anything that a permissible marriage makes haraam.
This is the view of Ibn Shihaab al-Zuhri and Rabee’ah; it was also the view of al-Layth ibn Sa’d, al-Shaafa’i, Abu Thawr and Dawood. It was also narrated from Ibn ‘Abbaas, who said concerning that: A haraam deed does not make something permissible haraam.
Ibn al-Qaasim narrated from Maalik something other than what is said in al-Muwatta’. He said: If a man commits zina with the mother of his wife, he must be separated from his wife, and in his view he comes under the ruling of one who has married his wife’s mother and consummated the marriage with her. This is also the view of Abu Haneefah and his companions, and of al-Thawri and al-Awzaa’i, all of whom said that if a man commits zina with his wife’s mother, then his wife becomes haraam for him.
Sahnoon said: The companions of Maalik all disagreed with Ibn al-Qaasim on this matter and they agreed with what it says in al-Muwatta’. Allaah has forbidden the Muslim to marry his wife’s mother or daughter. If a man owns a slave woman and he has intercourse with her, then her mother and daughter also become haraam for him.
Similarly, if his father has intercourse with a woman whom he marries or owns as a slave, they become haraam for the son, and vice versa. This has to do with permissible types of intercourse. And Allaah is the One Whose help we seek.
These fuqaha’ – the ones who were qualified to issue fatwas in the Islamic regions – were unanimously agreed that it is not haraam for a man to marry a woman with whom he committed zina, if it is established that she is not pregnant, so it is more likely that he is permitted to marry her mother or daughter. And Allaah is the source of strength.
Al-Istidhkaar (5/463, 464).
Shaykh Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
The correct view is that the mother of a woman with whom a man has committed zina is not haraam for the one who did that, and the daughter of the woman with whom he committed zina is not haraam for the one who did that, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“All others are lawful”
[al-Nisa’ 4:24]
Allaah did not mention the mother or daughter of a woman with whom zina has been committed as being among those to whom marriage is forbidden, rather He said:
“your wives’ mothers, your stepdaughters under your guardianship, born of your wives to whom you have gone in — but there is no sin on you if you have not gone in them (to marry their daughters),”
[al-Nisa’ 4:23]
It is well known that the woman with whom a man has committed zina is not one of his wives at all. As she is not one of his wives, it is not valid to compare fornication to valid marriage. If he has repented from zina it is permissible for him to marry the mother or daughter of a woman with whom he committed zina. End quote.
Al-Sharh al-Mumti’ (7/38, 39)
Conclusion:
This is a matter concerning which the scholars differed. The correct view is that it is permissible to marry the daughter of a woman with whom one has committed zina so long as she is not one’s own daughter, but our advice to you is not to marry her for two reasons: to be on the safe side, because she is haraam for you according to many of the scholars, and so that your marriage to her will not be a cause of your getting close to her mother and getting in touch with her, which may lead to you going back to that sin from which you have repented. And Allaah knows best.
Islam Q&A

Edited by Salaam, 19 April 2012 - 08:13 PM.


#12 ghazala

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Posted 01 May 2012 - 07:03 AM






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